HAVEN STATISTICS DEPARTMENT
HΛVEN
FRAGGING FACILITY
Half-Life 2 Deathmatch statistics,
personnel files and incident records
from the Haven Fragging Facility.
Every number is real. Interpretation
remains a departmental matter.
HFF NEWS 24
PLAYER DOSSIER: Sir Digby received 5,710 recorded hits from all attackers over seven days. The Ministry has classified the paperwork.MAGNUM BULLETIN: 649 .357 Magnum hits on human players in seven days. The six-shooter has filed overtime.CROWBAR CLINIC: Slime took 34 recorded crowbar hits in seven days. Even the crowbar has asked for a timeout.
PLAYER DOSSIER: Sir Digby received 5,710 recorded hits from all attackers over seven days. The Ministry has classified the paperwork.MAGNUM BULLETIN: 649 .357 Magnum hits on human players in seven days. The six-shooter has filed overtime.CROWBAR CLINIC: Slime took 34 recorded crowbar hits in seven days. Even the crowbar has asked for a timeout.
DAILY 7-DAY REPORT
INCIDENT REPORTING
Incidents from the Last 7 Days
Rolling seven-day ranked report.
Numbers are official.
Conclusions are departmental.
STATISTICS DEPARTMENT · INCIDENT DIGEST
PERSONNEL PERFORMANCE: 
4upik recorded 121 kills across 6 ranked match appearances. Management was preparing a disciplinary hearing but has reluctantly cancelled it.
MEDICAL DEPARTMENT: 
Stacie recorded 317 deaths across 19 ranked matches. The respawn machinery has requested annual leave.
INTERNAL INVESTIGATION: Monkey recorded 66 self-inflicted deaths. The opposition has complained about somebody else doing their job.
FACILITY MENACE: 
Slime accumulated 1,908 kills across 69 ranked matches. Human Resources has advised colleagues to maintain a safe distance.
RANDOM PERSONNEL SPOTLIGHT: 
Sir Digby Chicken Caesar appeared in 102 ranked matches, recording 2,690 kills and 1,030 deaths. The Statistics Department confirms that the paperwork is technically in order.
TOP FRAGGER
2,690 kills from 102 ranked matches
MOST SUICIDAL
94 self-inflicted departures
BEST WEEKLY K/D
8.45 K/D with 93 kills
MOST WINS
42 wins this week
BUSIEST PLAYER
102 ranked matches
DEADLIEST WEAPON
3,834 human kills this week
MAP OF THE WEEK
3 ranked matches
LONGEST NON-WIN RUN
127 consecutive ranked
appearances without a win
Human performance cards use completed ranked
matches from the rolling seven-day window.
Map of the Week uses all ranked server matches. Longest Non-Win Run is an all-time ranked record.
FACILITY OVERVIEW
Operational Summary
Current figures from the canonical
HAVEN statistics database.
Recorded Players
186
Personnel paperwork continues.
Ranked Matches
3,965
Official competitive history.
Ranked Human Kills
74,419
All forms completed in triplicate.
Ranked Maps
646
Cartography remains concerned.
| Map |
Ended |
Result |
Humans |
|
dm_chambers_mod_by_jkal
|
2026-11-12 18:41:22
|
Slime
|
3
|
|
dm_castle_candybar_vee2
|
2026-11-12 18:30:14
|
Slime
|
2
|
|
dm_italy_csgo_b2
|
2026-11-12 18:10:04
|
Monkey
|
1
|
|
dm_q3_longestyard_b4
|
2026-11-12 17:51:39
|
Monkey
|
1
|
|
dm_sin_office
|
2026-11-12 17:44:26
|
Monkey
|
1
|
| # |
Player |
Matches |
Wins |
Kills |
K/D |
|
1
|
|
689
|
519
|
27,429
|
2.65
|
|
2
|
|
933
|
198
|
18,457
|
1.85
|
|
3
|
|
458
|
36
|
7,214
|
1.14
|
|
4
|
|
407
|
27
|
9,610
|
1.43
|
|
5
|
|
26
|
11
|
604
|
5.35
|
ARMOURY RECORD
Crossbow
32,761
ranked human kills ·
82
recorded players
ARMOURY RECORD
.357 Magnum
10,542
ranked human kills ·
84
recorded players
ARMOURY RECORD
AR2
7,300
ranked human kills ·
87
recorded players
ARMOURY RECORD
Environmental Explosion
5,173
ranked human kills ·
31
recorded players
ARMOURY RECORD
Shotgun
3,803
ranked human kills ·
61
recorded players
ARMOURY RECORD
Combine Ball
3,386
ranked human kills ·
66
recorded players
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD
dm_castigate
87
ranked matches ·
last played
2026-11-09 16:26:46
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD
dm_lockdown
84
ranked matches ·
last played
2026-11-09 19:42:49
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD
dm_swamplight_final
84
ranked matches ·
last played
2026-11-10 08:19:31
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD
dm_avalon_b1
82
ranked matches ·
last played
2026-11-10 09:40:11
FACILITY DIRECTORY
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