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BOT PERSONNEL FILE · BOT PROFILE #02
PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT

The Ministry of Lag

Automated Personnel
BOT Directory
#25
Profile ID
#02
Log Alias
TheMinistryofLag
Record Type
Automated Personnel
OFFICIAL SERVICE RECORD

Combat Record

BOT event telemetry. No Human-style ranked participation record is claimed.
BOT Directory Rank
#25
Ordered by recorded kill events.
Recorded Kills
487
Detailed BOT kill-event archive.
Recorded Deaths
1,203
Detailed BOT death-event archive.
K/D
0.40
Recorded kill events divided by recorded deaths.
Headshots
10
Recorded kill-event headshots.
Headshot Rate
2.05%
Share of recorded kills marked as headshots.
Hits Dealt
8,319
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
Hits Received
6,796
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
ARMOURY RECORD

Recorded Weapons

Recorded BOT kill events by weapon. Favourite: pistol.
# Weapon Kills Headshots Avg Distance
1
pistol
205 0 777 units
2
smg1
189 8 394 units
3
ar2
22 2 382 units
4
crossbow_bolt
21 0 1,345 units
5
combine_ball
10 0 332 units
6
physics
8 0 459 units
7
smg1_grenade
8 0 292 units
8
grenade_frag
7 0 826 units
9
rpg_missile
5 0 597 units
10
shotgun
5 0 321 units
11
357
3 0 562 units
12
crowbar
3 0 73 units
13
stunstick
1 0 32 units
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD

Recorded Map Activity

BOT telemetry grouped by recorded map. Most active: halls3.
Map Kills Deaths Hits Damage
halls3
114 114 1,823 12,234
dm_zest
50 53 706 5,641
dm_grawler
36 60 589 4,184
dm_lockdown_reloaded
30 24 390 4,175
dm_snarkpit
23 18 217 2,698
dm_rapidfire
22 24 272 4,097
dm_lockdown
22 43 177 2,120
dm_construction
17 17 267 1,944
dm_forest_of_pain_final
14 34 82 4,726
dm_minecart
10 30 277 1,485
dm_avalon_b1
7 22 175 1,147
dm_underpass
7 14 0 0
dm_backwash2
6 26 123 774
dm_rabat_hawk_f
6 7 7 2,589
dm_crossfire_source
5 7 101 704
dm_cloudcity
5 2 91 567
dm_value
5 8 28 1,858
dm_steamlab
5 20 18 106
dm_ancient_ob_1
4 35 170 865
dm_crossfire_final
4 7 104 896
dm_saltmine_prefinal
4 22 102 588
dm_coax_ot
4 18 77 873
dm_outlying_v2
4 19 66 400
dm_powerhouse
4 2 58 320
dm_aim_arena_reportaled_r7
4 2 52 416
dm_resistance
4 3 0 0
dm_swamplight_final
3 30 184 1,121
dm_albatross_b03
3 8 99 666
dm_sniper_traps_v2
3 25 91 512
dm_joyride_m
3 18 71 370
dm_q3_longestyard_b4
3 1 53 301
dm_overwatch_final
3 1 42 303
cll_jaeger_06
3 14 32 788
dm_snipe_deathtoll_v2
2 30 88 474
dm_ivyleague_law_tstfunc
2 26 86 469
dm_castigate
2 6 60 517
dm_armor_v2
2 9 57 285
dm_devtex2_xmas_rc1
2 31 56 415
dm_boot_camp
2 13 53 298
dm_overwatch_phat_ruin
2 6 50 292
dm_ultimate_lobby
2 1 34 206
dm_angel_eyes_fod
2 1 26 208
dm_thetomb
2 4 25 211
dm_battleyard2_hdr_beta1
2 0 24 165
dm_dod_campazzo_bm
1 20 120 620
dm_carousel
1 18 59 385
dm_stad
1 13 56 307
dm_sniper_grizeg_v6
1 7 47 313
dm_wd40
1 18 39 235
dm_tigdance
1 2 33 258
dm_ob_combat_house_hd_rc1
1 4 31 194
dm_snipe_bunkergrass2
1 0 30 180
dm_bunker42_vfinale_fixed
1 5 22 137
dm_datacore
1 3 22 110
dm_cm-snowkill_rc6v6
1 1 21 168
dm_overwatch_winter
1 0 21 144
dm_bus_rats_b3
1 0 20 100
dm_basements_final_norpg
1 1 18 90
dm_rat_cuisine_deluxe_v2
1 0 16 104
dm_overwatch
1 1 15 139
dm_sniper_sunset_v2
1 1 15 120
1eedeev_nwottsohg_skcor
1 1 13 104
dm_boogymans_funpark
1 14 13 104
dm_castle_sanctuary_slam
1 0 13 104
dm_lostsource_007
1 0 13 104
dm_ry_cradle
1 0 13 104
dm_stonehengex_lmht
1 0 13 104
dm_studyroomx
1 1 13 98
dm_pit_reloaded_v12
1 0 12 96
dm_biological
1 0 10 110
dm_killbox_kbr_2
1 2 1 75
dm_alcys_c17
1 0 0 0
dm_servus
0 28 111 573
dm_season
0 17 57 295
dm_tenements
0 14 44 229
dm_dod_desert_sniper_bm
0 19 42 223
dm_np_max_securyty
0 14 38 190
dm_shawn_vbm
0 15 29 178
dm_urban_small
0 13 29 150
dm_fort_paradise
0 13 27 175
dm_sniper_delta_prime_v5
0 18 26 336
dm_campgrounds_r2
0 2 18 92
dm_only3_arena_lights_bv
0 3 15 75
dm_runoff
0 12 15 99
dm_jags_rat_xmas_final
0 18 11 85
dm_wackyraces
0 2 11 88
dm_chambers_mod_by_jkal
0 1 10 80
dm_snipers_tropic_kbs
0 12 8 50
dm_ob_nightmare_church_rc2
0 1 7 35
dm_bella_secretroom_hawk
0 1 5 40
dm_vdzsource
0 3 5 55
dm_airfield_kbs
0 3 3 25
dm_outlaws_sanctuary
0 4 3 21
dm_xbow_chaos_v2
0 8 2 10
dm_house_rats
0 1 1 5
020511
0 3 0 0
cok_vampire_v1
0 1 0 0
dm_battleyard_v4
0 1 0 0
dm_cottage_beta2
0 1 0 0
dm_kybos_sniper_valley_bm
0 5 0 0
dm_streetwarbone
0 2 0 0
dm_ulterior
0 1 0 0
INTERNAL MEMO

Haven Field Report

Deterministic assessment generated from recorded HAVEN statistics.

The Ministry of Lag has recorded 487 kills and 1203 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.40. 444 of those kills were against other BOTs and 43 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the Pistol, responsible for 205 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 25 kills against 145 deaths, for a K/D of 0.17. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

The Ministry of Lag's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Sir Digby, who has destroyed the unit 47 times. The Ministry of Lag has answered with 2 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Sir Digby. The official match archive names The Ministry of Lag as winner 38 times in total, including 7 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 114 kills and 114 deaths involving The Ministry of Lag.

Detailed telemetry records 8319 hits dealt and 6796 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The Pistol accounts for 42.1% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 3726 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the SMG supplied 13 of 25 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. The Ministry of Lag's performance has been entered into the HAVEN machinery ledger. The ledger has requested a stronger binding.

RECENT OPERATIONS

Recent Recorded Victories

Match-result records naming this BOT as winner. This is not a complete BOT participation history.
Ended Map Result Winner Frags Rank State End Reason
12 Nov 2026 05:38 dm_rat_cuisine_deluxe_v2 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
12 Nov 2026 01:08 dm_battleyard2_hdr_beta1 WIN 2 RANKED timelimit
11 Nov 2026 22:27 dm_powerhouse WIN 3 RANKED timelimit
10 Nov 2026 17:51 dm_ry_cradle WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
08 Nov 2026 08:29 dm_lostsource_007 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
06 Nov 2026 21:46 dm_castle_sanctuary_slam WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
06 Nov 2026 16:29 dm_bus_rats_b3 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
05 Nov 2026 18:24 dm_angel_eyes_fod WIN 2 RANKED timelimit
02 Nov 2026 03:47 dm_q3_longestyard_b4 WIN 3 RANKED timelimit
26 Oct 2026 10:09 dm_avalon_b1 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
RECORDED DISTANCE TELEMETRY

Personal Records

Longest and shortest successful recorded kills.
Longest Recorded Kill
45.57 m
Crossbow Bolt

vs SirReginaldPigeon · dm_forest_of_pain_final
Recorded 2026-10-14
Shortest Recorded Kill
0.61 m
Stunstick

vs Brian'sSpareSandal · dm_lockdown_reloaded
Recorded 2026-09-25

Distance Records by Weapon

Weapon Longest Shortest Kills measured
.357 Magnum
 13.42 m 9.09 m 3
AR2
 15.38 m 0.64 m 22
Combine Ball
 11.93 m 0.81 m 10
Crossbow Bolt
 45.57 m 14.39 m 21
Crowbar
 1.57 m 1.08 m 3
Grenade
 28.92 m 3.06 m 7
Physics
 19.32 m 3.05 m 8
Pistol
 26.50 m 2.70 m 205
Rpg Missile
 19.30 m 8.12 m 5
Shotgun
 12.57 m 1.31 m 5
SMG1
 23.34 m 0.71 m 189
Smg1 Grenade
 9.62 m 0.75 m 8
Stunstick
 0.61 m 0.61 m 1
Distances are retained internally in Source units and displayed here as approximate metres using 52.4934 Source units per metre. Missing, zero and self-kill distances are excluded. Measured opponent kills: 487.