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BOT PERSONNEL FILE · BOT PROFILE #17
PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT

Ministry of Enormous Balls

Automated Personnel
BOT Directory
#16
Profile ID
#17
Log Alias
MinistryofEnormousBalls
Record Type
Automated Personnel
OFFICIAL SERVICE RECORD

Combat Record

BOT event telemetry. No Human-style ranked participation record is claimed.
BOT Directory Rank
#16
Ordered by recorded kill events.
Recorded Kills
554
Detailed BOT kill-event archive.
Recorded Deaths
1,699
Detailed BOT death-event archive.
K/D
0.33
Recorded kill events divided by recorded deaths.
Headshots
14
Recorded kill-event headshots.
Headshot Rate
2.53%
Share of recorded kills marked as headshots.
Hits Dealt
9,986
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
Hits Received
10,173
Retained BOT-involved hit telemetry.
ARMOURY RECORD

Recorded Weapons

Recorded BOT kill events by weapon. Favourite: pistol.
# Weapon Kills Headshots Avg Distance
1
pistol
240 0 796 units
2
smg1
204 11 374 units
3
ar2
41 3 526 units
4
crossbow_bolt
17 0 1,792 units
5
physics
14 0 264 units
6
combine_ball
13 0 293 units
7
grenade_frag
13 0 771 units
8
357
7 0 1,162 units
9
shotgun
2 0 429 units
10
rpg_missile
1 0 726 units
11
smg1_grenade
1 0 420 units
12
stunstick
1 0 33 units
CARTOGRAPHY RECORD

Recorded Map Activity

BOT telemetry grouped by recorded map. Most active: halls3.
Map Kills Deaths Hits Damage
halls3
137 136 2,044 14,497
dm_zest
81 110 1,186 10,146
dm_snarkpit
40 86 501 5,269
dm_minecraft_area
29 29 481 2,855
dm_teleport_world_v8
27 21 289 2,288
dm_lockdown_reloaded
19 30 376 4,378
dm_grawler
18 15 248 1,780
dm_construction
10 35 109 767
asc_bunker_fusionhead_beta3
10 29 49 1,673
dm_rapidfire
9 6 54 279
dm_outlying_v2
8 52 307 1,761
dm_cloudcity
8 4 86 1,720
dm_swamplight_final
7 60 335 1,901
dm_value
7 6 63 2,355
dm_underpass
6 13 133 920
dm_crossfire_final
6 11 100 550
dm_cage_s
6 2 71 609
dm_powerhouse
6 3 63 4,010
dm_sex_b2_s
5 18 311 1,749
dm_backwash2
5 51 155 890
dm_overwatch_winter
5 19 126 684
dm_crossfire_source
5 6 82 607
dm_snipe_combine
5 28 59 707
dm_servus
4 27 122 1,338
dm_lockdown
4 3 60 300
dm_minecart
4 20 60 553
dm_thetomb
4 29 60 890
dm_resistance
4 3 8 52
dm_castigate
3 20 128 822
dm_coax_ot
3 24 116 637
dm_snipe_bluenight_v8
3 26 116 738
dm_armageddon
3 23 78 643
dm_corrugated
3 10 73 426
dm_overwatch
3 13 30 150
dm_thumper
2 37 68 385
dm_caught_economy_003
2 11 61 349
dm_ancient_ob_1
2 54 37 200
1eedeev_nwottsohg_skcor
2 10 35 175
dm_biological_v2
2 3 31 200
dm_snipe_campx_lmht
2 3 29 241
dm_only3_testquarter
2 8 14 330
dm_darkmatter_pcp_v2c
2 1 12 620
dm_bnb_kr01_xmas
2 1 4 329
dm_battleyard_v4
1 21 79 521
dm_tinside
1 22 72 378
dm_crazy_houses_v3
1 28 69 456
dm_runoff
1 26 64 320
dm_boogymans_funpark
1 26 51 327
dm_biological
1 3 39 195
dm_sniper_xlau_v2b77
1 18 39 207
dm_tigdance
1 18 39 263
dm_memorialprospekt
1 3 36 276
dm_avalon_b1
1 1 29 157
dm_sniper_sunset_v2
1 32 28 314
dm_christmas
1 1 22 113
dm_blackjack_mine_v2
1 0 20 100
dm_doh_b5
1 0 20 100
dm_farpoint
1 0 20 100
dm_snipe_bunkergrass2
1 0 20 100
dm_short_dust_rev1e
1 1 18 144
dm_blackswamp_b4
1 0 16 104
dm_phallan
1 6 15 120
dm_veranda
1 0 15 114
dm_dod_desert_sniper_bm
1 12 14 78
dm_arcticbase_prefinal
1 0 13 104
dm_bdaycake
1 2 13 104
dm_module3_v2
1 1 13 104
dm_only3_cone_of_death
1 0 13 104
dm_pit_reloaded_v12
1 0 13 104
dm_cubix_fix
1 1 12 105
dm_9042_b4a
1 0 11 61
dm_chambers_mod_by_jkal
1 0 11 88
dm_moroes
1 3 11 124
dm_ultimate_lobby
1 11 10 80
dm_denizen_rc3
1 0 9 72
dm_redrockcanyon_cll_v4
1 0 8 64
zg_junkcity_xmas
1 23 8 209
dm_forest_of_pain_final
1 0 5 117
dm_xbow_eye
1 1 5 217
dm_overwatch_final
1 1 4 20
dm_jungle_cartel
1 0 2 157
dm_alcys_c17
1 2 0 0
dm_lost_base
0 15 74 408
dm_watchman_lighthouse2
0 14 64 323
dm_stad
0 25 62 322
dm_armor_v2
0 18 40 248
dm_thevillage_v1
0 18 38 229
dm_nics_arena_r2
0 16 37 194
dm_snipe_blueday_beta1
0 32 33 193
dm_finca_box_dukemod
0 15 31 155
dm_420
0 0 28 140
dm_napoli_mod_by_jkal
0 9 28 140
dm_troje
0 9 27 190
dm_council_tsgk_v2
0 23 26 136
dm_goldtooth_vd1
0 14 23 115
dm_undermine_b2
0 4 21 135
dm_roundabout
0 0 20 160
dm_castle_sanctuary
0 2 17 85
dm_powersurgeb8
0 10 17 102
dm_slamjam
0 0 16 128
dm_ancient_rl_b31
0 1 15 75
dm_7hour
0 0 13 65
dm_canals_works_final
0 17 13 65
dm_lostsource_007
0 1 12 96
dm_snipe_crazy2
0 1 12 96
asc_snipe_crazy_v13c
0 1 8 64
dm_outlaws_sanctuary
0 2 8 64
dm_snipe_yard
0 2 6 30
dm_seras_dialoog_daytime
0 9 5 25
dm_tides
0 1 5 25
dm_bird_islands
0 1 4 20
dm_fort_paradise
0 0 4 20
dm_painindustrial_v5
0 5 4 30
dm_afb_rundowntown_r1
0 1 3 15
020511
0 1 2 16
dm_alcys_factory
0 2 2 16
dm_attack_house_xmas_rc1
0 0 2 16
dm_ivyleague_law_tstfunc
0 15 2 35
dm_sniper_grizeg_v6
0 3 2 10
dm_valve_rc2nc
0 1 2 10
dm_blebisu
0 5 1 10
dm_frequency
0 1 1 5
dm_meatgrinder_b81a
0 0 1 5
dm_oriental_village_sw
0 15 1 5
dm_bunker42_vfinale_fixed
0 1 0 0
dm_cranefight
0 1 0 0
dm_electrix
0 1 0 0
dm_italian_village_bm
0 13 0 0
dm_killbox_shootery_skm
0 1 0 0
dm_lockdown_pro_final
0 3 0 0
dm_motel
0 1 0 0
dm_noobtubes_b25
0 1 0 0
dm_sniper_delta_prime_v5
0 2 0 0
dm_snipers_tropic_kbs
0 5 0 0
ts_jag_tf2_suijin
0 2 0 0
INTERNAL MEMO

Haven Field Report

Deterministic assessment generated from recorded HAVEN statistics.

Ministry of Enormous Balls has recorded 554 kills and 1699 deaths in the retained HAVEN BOT event archive, for a K/D of 0.33. 491 of those kills were against other BOTs and 63 were against Human players. The preferred instrument of persuasion is the Pistol, responsible for 240 recorded kills. Over the last seven days the event archive contains 83 kills against 229 deaths, for a K/D of 0.36. The respawn machinery is currently receiving more use than the manufacturer probably intended.

Ministry of Enormous Balls's most persistent Human nuisance over the last seven days has been Sir Digby, who has destroyed the unit 78 times. Ministry of Enormous Balls has answered with 3 kills, meaning the paperwork currently favours Sir Digby. The official match archive names Ministry of Enormous Balls as winner 31 times in total, including 6 during the last seven days. These are explicit winner records, not a complete BOT participation history. halls3 has generated the most recorded activity, with 137 kills and 136 deaths involving Ministry of Enormous Balls.

Detailed telemetry records 9986 hits dealt and 10173 received. The statistics department therefore believes the problem is not finding opponents so much as persuading them to remain dead. The Pistol accounts for 43.3% of recorded kills, so the rest of the armoury is beginning to feel decorative. Shot Placement shows a pronounced interest in the Right Leg, which has absorbed 4699 recorded hits. Haven has declined to ask whether this is tactical doctrine or a software preference. This week the Pistol supplied 51 of 83 kills. The procurement department has taken the hint. A committee briefly considered promoting Ministry of Enormous Balls. The proposal was returned after somebody noticed the repair bill.

RECENT OPERATIONS

Recent Recorded Victories

Match-result records naming this BOT as winner. This is not a complete BOT participation history.
Ended Map Result Winner Frags Rank State End Reason
11 Nov 2026 01:14 dm_teleport_world_v8 WIN 27 RANKED timelimit
10 Nov 2026 07:59 dm_cage_s WIN 6 RANKED timelimit
09 Nov 2026 16:06 dm_jungle_cartel WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
08 Nov 2026 07:09 dm_christmas WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
06 Nov 2026 23:36 dm_chambers_mod_by_jkal WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
06 Nov 2026 09:39 dm_bnb_kr01_xmas WIN 2 RANKED timelimit
05 Nov 2026 08:39 dm_9042_b4a WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
01 Nov 2026 21:24 dm_phallan WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
01 Nov 2026 09:37 dm_only3_testquarter WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
25 Oct 2026 00:10 dm_outlying_v2 WIN 1 RANKED timelimit
RECORDED DISTANCE TELEMETRY

Personal Records

Longest and shortest successful recorded kills.
Longest Recorded Kill
50.81 m
Crossbow Bolt

vs <ACR>{COK}{V@G}WartornMonkey (U · asc_bunker_fusionhead_beta3
Recorded 2026-10-23
Shortest Recorded Kill
0.61 m
SMG1

vs LordPiddlewick · dm_lockdown_reloaded
Recorded 2026-09-24

Distance Records by Weapon

Weapon Longest Shortest Kills measured
.357 Magnum
 45.16 m 13.66 m 7
AR2
 30.38 m 0.71 m 41
Combine Ball
 20.98 m 1.04 m 13
Crossbow Bolt
 50.81 m 18.50 m 17
Grenade
 15.86 m 6.92 m 13
Physics
 9.70 m 1.56 m 14
Pistol
 32.75 m 2.53 m 240
Rpg Missile
 13.84 m 13.84 m 1
Shotgun
 11.67 m 4.68 m 2
SMG1
 22.22 m 0.61 m 204
Smg1 Grenade
 8.00 m 8.00 m 1
Stunstick
 0.62 m 0.62 m 1
Distances are retained internally in Source units and displayed here as approximate metres using 52.4934 Source units per metre. Missing, zero and self-kill distances are excluded. Measured opponent kills: 554.